MacauDonalds

When I think of Macau I think of  girls from Indiana in too tight of halter tops kissing Arizona State boys in G.O.S.es, cigarette smoke, old ladies in unitards reluctantly delivering free Miller Lites to blackjack tables, wizards, Elvises, purple sequined cowboy hats, fluorescent commercial carpet, del Taco and Pringles.  Actually that's what I think of when I think of Las Vegas.  I always thought the casinos of Macau would bring me as much joy/horror as those of grand old NV but sadly, they are just filled with mainland Chinese people and juice carts.  Not a halter top in sight.

However, there remains a little known part of Macau that is actually a quaint colonial Portuguese beach village.  Ok. Party. Bonus!

The journey began with a ferry ride across the mouth of the Pearl River Delta.  Ilha de Coloane is the southernmost island of Macau and based on my highly uninformed opinion it is like a Portuguese village from the days of the famous Portuguese ocean explorer, Magellan (which makes sense since he died 30 years before the Portuguese discovered Macau).  

We started out the trip by asking the front desk lady of the hotel about a famous restaurant named Fernando's.  "Where is it?" We asked, with anticipation.  "Is it close?" The hotel front desk woman replied: "Why yes, it is only 15 minutes away walking." We were elated to learn that delicious Portuguese dinner awaited us a mere 15 minutes away.  "Great!  How do we get there?"  "Just follow the road."  She said.  When I make this story into a syndicated television program I will use "just follow the road" as the ominous phrase in the theme song similar to "a three hour tour" from the Gilligan's Island theme.

Ten minutes later, we came to a T in the road.  Just follow the road!?! Perhaps this wouldn't be a big deal if you, say, were a competent human or knew how to read maps or even had a legible map, but as no one in the party fit that description it turned out to be an epic journey salvaged only by the fun-sized packets of Skittles that dwell in the deepest darkest caves of my handbag.

Two hours later we arrived at the restaurant.  They had nice tablecloths.

Road of the beautiful ones.  That's us.

Coloane Village.

Famous bakery which provided vital pre-Kelly Clarkson sustenance.  A very fun show - I just don't get why she didn't wear shoes or do her hair or do her make up.  But her voice is amazing.

But then again, why go to a bakery when you have dead fish on offer?

Present day ye olde days at the pier. 

And lastly, a picture of

WTF?

Exactly.  My guess is that this set up has something to do with (1) a reality TV show that involves an obstacle course for barbers or (2) a re-shoot of a MacGuyver episode.